What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
