If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fuck appropriateness.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
