this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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