i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
