good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wear drunk well.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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