You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
