my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
