He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
