after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
