Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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