so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
