I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
