Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
