She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
not ubering you a puppy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
