I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My life is pants optional.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
