The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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