It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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