Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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