he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
