Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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