I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They have beer where we have blood.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
