I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
