It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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