It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
not ubering you a puppy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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