i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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