I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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