That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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