did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
