Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
