found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
