i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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