he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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