I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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