I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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