they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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