You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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