I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
