Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
