The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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