We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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