My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
