i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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