bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
