I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.