I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
did i just pee glitter
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!