do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
