how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
