if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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