Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
