im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
