TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
