That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
