I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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