After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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