Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
