omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He better not be in your backpack
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
