I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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