It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
