The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
