He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
