When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
