My friends, they love my intelligence
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
