i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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