I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
