I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
