Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i believe in u and ur pee
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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