maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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