And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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