i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
