After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
