my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
