I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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