I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just found puke in my bra..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
